What is the difference between an amateur programmer and a professional one?
An amateur thinks that 1 kilobyte is 1000 bites. A professional thinks that 1 kilometer is 1024 meters.

Statistics show that computer programmers under 30 name most programs after their girlfriends; between 30 and 50, after their favorite alcoholic beverages; and above 50, with the names of diseases.

After Russian hackers hacked the protection of the missile Tomahawk it is called Boomerang.

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One programmer tells another:
- Imagine, yesterday I came back home ealier than usual, and my wife was in bed with a strange man. And eyes of the both were so cunning... I suspected something at once, jumped to my computer, tried to enter the Internet - and they, bastards, had changed the password...

Two men - programmers walk along the street.
The first says to another one: " Listen, people say that the software for a new american invisible plane - "Stealth-2" will be worked out by Microsoft! ".
The second: " I think it is connected with the fact that a new plane must know how to hang up in the air. ".