At the Russian War College, the general is a guest lecturer and tells the class of officers that the session will focus on potential problems and the resulting strategies.
One of the officers in the class begins by asking the first question, "Will we have to fight a World War Three?"
"Yes, comrades, looks like you will," answers the general.
"And who will be our enemy, Comrade General?" another officer asks.
"The likelihood is that it will be China."
The class looks alarmed, and finally one officer asks, "But Comrade General, we are 150 million people and they are about 1.5 billion. How can we possibly win?"
"Well," replies the general, "Think about it. In modern war, it is not the quantity, but the quality that is the key. For example, in the Middle East, 5 million Jews fight against 50 million Arabs, and the Jews have been the winners every time."
"But sir," asks the panicky officer, "Do we have enough jews"?

A personnel man interviews a Jew for a job.
"What's your name?"
"Whose? Mine?"
"Of course yours."
"Rabinovich."
"Where were you born?"
"Who, me?"
"Yes, you!"
"In Berdichev."
"How many years of experience do you have?"
"Who, me?"
"You, you, you!"
"Ten years."
"How old you are?"
"Who? Me?"
"No! Me!"
"You? Forty, forty-five."

Translated by Mark Perakh

An Ukrainian died and was sent to hell. He walked through an isle accompanied by a demon on duty and saw bowls with boiling oil. Above one of the bowls there was a sign which read "Jews." Next to that bowl three demons held watch. Above the other bowl, there was a sign which read, "Ukrainians." There were no guards at that bowl.
"Why do you guard the Jews?"
The demon answered, "Because if one of them manages to clamber out, he at once lends a hand to others."
"But why no guards at the Ukrainians?"
"No need. If one of them manages to scramble up, the others at once pull him back down."

Translated by Mark Perakh

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Two Jews met, one of them having only one arm. The other said, "Moshe, where did you lose your arm? Have you been fighting during the war?"
"No," the other answered.
"Then where did you lose your arm?"
"They tried to drag me to the front line, and tore my arm off."

Translated by Mark Perakh

To advance their careers, Rabinovich and Khaimovich decided to convert to Christianity. As they were afraid of the baptism ceremony, they dragged their feet for several months, each of them hoping that the other one would convert first and then tell about the procedure. Finally, they couldn't put it off for longer, so they threw dice. Rabinovich was to go to the church first, and Khaimovich would wait outside. With tears in his eyes, Rabinovich hugged Khaimovich and, shaking in fear, walked into the church. Khaimovich stayed outside, waiting impatiently for his friend's reappearance.
In twenty minutes Rabinovich walked out, stretched his limbs and lit a cigarette. Khaimovich ran toward the new Christian and asked, "Nu, Isaak, tell me, how was it?"
Rabinovich answered, "First, I am not Isaak, but Ivan. Second, kike, you better tell me why did you crucify our Jesus Christ?"

Translated by Mark Perakh