A train that was moving with a high speed, suddenly derailed and moved into a field, then into a forest, and finally stopped. The chief conductor ran to the engine and asked the engineer, "What the hell happened?"
"Just a Jew. Was sitting on the rails."
"So, why didn't you just run over him?"
"I only now managed to catch up with him."

Translated by Mark Perakh

Every day, when coming home from his office, Rabinovich used to carry large packets. Once a curious neighbor asked him, "Rabinovich, what is it you bring home in such amounts?"
"What? Of course, it's flour, and sugar, and canned meat, and tea, and whatnot."
"But why so much? You have just three in your family, when will you eat all of it?"
"Stupid question. I make reserves, in case a war starts."
"Hm-m. Look at Ivanov next door, or at Petrov on the second floor, or Sidorov across the street. None of them make any reserves."
"Sure. What is it for Ivanov? If there's a war, he'll take a rifle and go to fight. But I'll have to live!"

Translated by Mark Perakh

In a restaurant, a Frenchman, a Chinaman, a German, a Russian, and a Jew all were served tea, and in each glass there was a fly floating. The Frenchman looked at the fly, threw up, and ran out. The Russian drank tea and swallowed the fly. The German pulled the fly from the tea, sucked it thoroughly, threw the fly to a garbage can, and drank his tea. The Chinese ate the fly and left the tea intact. The Jew sold the tea to the German, the fly to the Chinese, and ordered another tea.

Translated by Mark Perakh

!!! MOST Beautiful Russian girls !!!

In a joint expedition to Himalaya, Russian and Israeli mountaineers took part. One Jewish mountaineer, Monya, happened to fall on a steep slope, but was rescued by a Russian named Ivan.
Soon after the mountaineers returned home, a telephone rang in Ivan's apartment in Moscow. "It's Tel-Aviv calling collect," the operator said. "Would you accept the call?"
"Yes," Ivan said.
"Is this Ivan?" a female voice said with a Jewish accent.
"Yes, what's the matter?"
"Was it you who saved the life of my husband Monya?"
"Yes, it was me."
"Then tell me where's Monya's red knitted cap?"

Translated by Mark Perakh

Once a Prime Minister of a small African country came to Moscow with an official visit. During a reception, one high-ranked Soviet official asked the guest, "Tell me please, your Excellency, how have you solved the Jewish problem in your country?"
"We have no Jewish problem," the Prime Minister said. "We had once one Jew in our country, but we ate him...."

Translated by Mark Perakh