A jew has been seized by KGB and all his property has been expropriated. He dials KGB and says:
- Would you please tell me what time is it now?
- Four ten.
- Thank you.
In five minutes he calls over:
- Would you please tell me what time is it now?
- Four fifteen.
In another five minutes he calls over:
- Would you please tell me what time is it now?
- Four twenty. You are unbearable, Rabinovich, come down here and take back your fucking confiscated clock.

A little Jewish boy teased badly in the school by his classmates declares at home:
- From now on I'm not a Jew any more. I'm a Russian.
The mother says:
- All Jews eat kosher meat today. And the goys [non-jews] eat beans!
The father:
- All Jewish children go to the school in my car. The goys go by foot.
His brothers/sisters:
- We go play together. You play by yourself.
He says bitterly:
- I'm a goy only one day, but, boy, do I hate you, Jews!

A man runs to the doctor, screaming he needs surgery and real fast.
- What do you need?
- I must be castrated, now!
- Why?
- I need castration, I'm late, do it!
What the hell, the doctor castrates him. Before the man leaves he says to the doctor:
- See, I'm getting married to a Jewish girl and her parents...
- Hey, then you should have been circumcized!

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An arab and a jew are shooting at each other across the border. Suddenly the arab stops. The jew:
- Hey, Mahommed, what's the matter?
- I'm out of ammunition!
- Come over here, I'll sell you some!

A jewish couple is going to sleep.
- Sarah, have you locked the door?
- Yes, Abraam.
- Have you locked all five locks?
- Yes, Abraam.
- Have you closed it on the latch?
- Yes, Abraam.
- Have you stuck the broomstick in?
- No.
- Good Lord! Come in everyone, take whatever you want!!?