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In a Zoo, a monkey in a cage was eating cherries. She performed a strange ritual. Fetching a cherry from a bowl, the monkey first applied it to her bottom, and only then placed it into her mouth. The surprised onlookers asked the attendant why did she behave in such an odd way. The attendant said, "Nothing odd. Last week she ate avocados, and a kernel stone stuck in her ass. So now she exercises caution by measuring first."
Translated by Mark Perakh |
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The little Red Riding Hood was in bed with the wolf. She asked:
"Grandma, why are your ears so large?"
"To hear you better," the wolf said.
"Grandma, why are your eyes so large?"
"To see you better," the wolf said.
"Grandma, why do you have such a long tail?"
"It's not tail," the wolf said and blushed.
Translated by Mark Perakh |
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A Londoner went for vacation in the country. As he was walking on a rural road, he saw a horse tied to a pole. A sign on the pole said, 'For sale, best offer.'
As he passed the mare, the horse said in perfect English, "Sir, please help me. I am here for many hours, and I'm hungry and tired, but nobody wants to buy me. Please, buy me, I'll be faithful to you."
"Damn be, you speak English!" the man said.
"Oh, yes, Sir. I speak five languages, including Chinese and Arabic, not to mention French and Italian. A have a PhD degree from Oxford."
"Amazing!" the man said, and went his way. A few yards down the road, he saw a cottage and a man working in the front yard.
"There's that amazing mare," the Londoner said.
"Yes, it's my horse, and she's for sale."
"And how much d'you want for it?"
"Before talking the price, let me ask you, did she say that she speaks Chinese and French, and that she has a PhD degree?"
"Yes, she did."
"As an honest man, I have to warn you, it was lies!"
Translated by Mark Perakh Great Practical Jokes and Gags!
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Anecdotes Russian Jokes
